I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
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if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
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COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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