the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
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Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
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I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
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