i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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