I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
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You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
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When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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