I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
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I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
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It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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