I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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