I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
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Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
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I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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