I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
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