Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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