Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
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i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
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It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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