Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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