i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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