I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
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I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
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Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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