This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everclear isn't food dammit
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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