i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
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I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
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We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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