first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
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