I've blown a few things in my day
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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