I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
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