my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
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