I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
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