Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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