Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize