Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's always time for handjobs
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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