Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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