Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
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so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
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Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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