I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
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