If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
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