ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
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I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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