The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
you inspire me to be a worse person
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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