Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
just tell him i said nine months
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
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