I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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