Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize