Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize