I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
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My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
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I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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