two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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