We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize