I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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