I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize