I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
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My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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