Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
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So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
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I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
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