Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
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it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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