I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize