can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
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Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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