I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Randomize