Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
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