I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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