I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
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