You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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