if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
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I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
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oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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