I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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