like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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